Date: 05-04-2012 08:58
Reviewer: SilentWyvern

Type: PS3
Genre: Shooter
Developer: gearbox software

After a developement cycle a decade long, Duke Nukem returns in the 3D shooter we were promised back in 1997. With at least 13 years of advancements in gaming, does Duke Nukem Forever live up to the hype?
Spoiler alert: No.

He's Got Balls of STEEL. (And no sense of TMI evidently.)
Duke Nukem Forever starts with aliens returning to Earth 10 or so years after Duke's previous victory over them, however something strange happens. The aliens aren't attacking Earth and the president orders Duke not to take any hostile action while ambassadors try to strike a peace accord with the aliens. Duke, who apparently has spent the last 10 years coasting off the previous triumph, begrudgingly agrees. One's first thought could be: Why, what's this? A legitimate plot? How unexpected!
...And like a poorly timed fart, the aliens attack, opening a wormhole to their homeworld, but Duke is more focused on rescuing the women they've kidnapped. So much for a mature plot...
Really, Duke isn't the worst character, but hes a completely unrelatable protagonist that can't be enjoyed unless in an ironic sense. Duke is the walking epitome of every 80's and 90's action movie hero. He even spouts lines ripped straight from movies after he kills an enemy. Only so many times you can hear lines from Commando before it gets annoying. However Commando is still the greatest action movie ever made. Period.

"Hail to the (FORMER) King, Baby!"
Presentation in Duke Nukem Forever is decent at best. Textures and sounds all do the job but never really draw you in for an immersing experience. Early levels feel very open, much like many older shooters. And as players progress there are many style changes that almost mimic the style of other, more popular games from each year it was in development. If anything Duke Nukem Forever plays like a time capsule, one no one should ever, EVER, dig up.
A large emphasis was clearly put on the humor of the game. Duke and NPCs will continuously spout sexual enuendos and various pop culture references. Some are actually entertaining like quoting the infamous Ventrillo Harassment videos, and others are just plain dumb. Like implying Master Chief is a "pussy" for using power armor...funny, because in the time it took to make 1 game, Duke Nukem Forever, Bungee managed to make the ENTIRE Halo franchise.

Eat (13+ Years of Terrible Game Design) and Die!
Really, not much can be said about Duke Nukem Forever's gameplay. Its and oldschool style shooter trying to act like popular shooter titles on the market today. If 3D Realms only embrassed the older, "hardcore" and classic shooter style, maybe the game COULD be forgiven.
However they didn't.
Movement and aiming feels off. Being able to carry only 2 guns limits players especially when the game only has 5 or 6 guns total. A Resistance style weapon wheel would have been perfect. While Duke may be only able to carry 2 guns he has gained regenerative healing. What's confusing is if there's a health, or "EGO" as its called, bar, why have regenerative ego? Why not ego packs? Why not drop the bar and have it like most shooters today?
Duke has a number of gadgets but for the most part they're context sensative to a few parts in the game, and the rest of the time they're utterly useless.
Duke Nukem Forever does feature an online multiplayer feature but there was no way I was going to touch it for a review I threw together in 20 minutes at 2am because I couldn't sleep.

Finally, This Review Is Almost OVER!!!
Duke Nukem Forever is probably the best example of B-rate game ever. Sure is bad, but given the right mindset it could be mildly entertaining. Mildly. But really, WHY it wasn't scrapped is astonishing. A decade is a LONG time to make a game, when so much has happened:
The ENTIRE Halo franchise.
All 4 Metal Gear Solid titles.
PS2, PS3, PSP 1000 - PSPgo
Both Xboxes
The list goes on.
Duke Nukem Forever is cheap, so if you need to break a $20, there's one use for it.
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